


Where They Belong

by Mayarene Rose (Paradise_of_Mary_Jane)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Post 5X13, Slight spoilers for 5X13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 09:58:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4217301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradise_of_Mary_Jane/pseuds/Mayarene%20Rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One last conversation between two old friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where They Belong

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I rewatch Merlin.

It was weeks had passed after the Battle of Camlamn when Sir Leon finally found Merlin.

It shouldn’t have taken as long as it did. Gwen had confided in him that he had gone to Avalon with the king. But between the damages of the battle, the confusion that followed, the grief at the loss of the king, and helping Gwen adjust to her new role as ruling monarch, Merlin had been the least of Leon’s worries.

But now that things were beginning to settle down again and Merlin had not returned, it fell to Leon to find him and return him to where he belonged. With what the new discovery about Merlin he had thought it would be difficult, next to impossible to find him but in the end, when Leon had finally reached Avalon, it had been quite simple. He found Merlin sitting by the lakeside, completely still as he stared at the clear waters of Avalon.

“Merlin?”

Merlin didn’t move, didn’t even give any indication that he heard Leon.

“Merlin?” repeated Leon as he edged closer. Merlin still didn’t turn around, just stared at the water, he seemed to curl tighter within himself as Leon got closer. “It’s me Merlin. Leon.”

“Sir Leon?” whispered Merlin, voice hoarse, as if he hadn’t used in a very long time.

Leon felt his heart drop. Broken, that was the only way he could describe Merlin’s voice, broken beyond repair. There was only one thing that would make the normally cheerful manservant sound like that. Leon knew that it was the inevitable outcome but the foolish, idealistic part of him had hoped for just one more miracle.

“Gwen’s been looking for you,” said Leon, taking Merlin’s acknowledgment as permission to sit down next to him. He didn’t look at Merlin though, he didn’t think he wanted to see the look on his face. And Merlin certainly wouldn’t need to see the look on his. “She wishes for you to return to Camelot.”

“I can’t,” said Merlin after a long moment. His voice was broken, shattered. The only thing that would be able to piece it together, gone. Taken before his time. “I can’t go back there. Not after…”

“She needs your help Merlin,” pressed Leon, though he didn’t want to. He understood perfectly why Merlin wanted to stay away. “She plans on legalizing magic, and she’ll need all the help she can get. Especially from you.” Leon didn’t dare glance at Merlin, forcing himself to stare at the still waters of the lake. It felt peaceful here. Calm.

An odd sound escaped from Merlin and Leon sensed that the other man was beginning to shake. He turned, despite himself, intent to comfort the manservant, for surely he was crying. He must’ve broken down after…

“Merlin,” said Leon, not quite sure what to say. What could he say? Merlin had been the one who had been the closest one of all to him. Leon knew for a fact that there were no words to offer as comfort.

Merlin continued to shake, the strange sound still escaping his lips and Leon realized with a jolt that he wasn’t crying. He was laughing, full of madness and hysteria. A laugh that was on the verge of a sob. In this moment, Merlin didn’t look like the powerful warlock who had rained lightning on Camlamn and defeated Morgana’s army with a wave of his staff, he looked like a young man beaten and broken by the fate that had been assigned to him.

“Legalize magic?” said Merlin through fits of giggles. Leon turned away and kept his eyes firmly fixed on the lake. The loss of his king was hard enough, he didn’t think he could stand to see the loss of another old and dear friend.

And it was a loss. Leon could feel it in his bones. Merlin was slipping away right in front of him to a place that none can follow and Leon didn’t have the strength to pull him back. It may have been a coward’s choice, but Leon couldn’t stand to see it happen, he couldn’t. Not now, not ever.

“Gwen wants to legalize magic? After everything’s that happened? After loosing her husband to magic?” Dark amusement filled the voice of the dark-haired man. Leon couldn’t reconcile that voice to the friend he had known, the friend who he had laughed and fought with, the friend who always seemed like a bright ray of sunshine even during the darkest of times. He was different now, broken and full of darkness, different from Morgana’s, but darkness all the same. Something had snapped within him and there was no fixing it anymore.

“We know about you Merlin,” said Leon. Merlin wasn’t wrong, and Leon wouldn’t claim confidence in the plan. There were too many wounds there, too many fallen comrades, and a childhood of instilled hate. But Gwen was his queen and he was loyal to her and Leon couldn’t deny Merlin what he deserved. “We know about everything you did. You deserve this, and so much more.”

“What I did?” repeated Merlin, voice filled with bitterness. “What I’ve done is hardly a basis for legalizing magic.”

“I think it’s about time, don’t you? After everything that came out of trying to stop it, I think it’s time to see what comes out of welcoming it,” said Leon. Those were Gwen’s words, not his. He hoped that they would comfort Merlin in some way but it didn’t. It had the opposite effect as Merlin curled tighter and tighter in on himself.

“It was supposed to be him,” said Merlin, voice cracking, and eyes fixed on the horizon. Even without seeing his face, Leon could feel the grief rolling off him. “Not Gwen, not us, not anyone else. He was supposed to be the one to say those words. It was supposed to be him who was supposed to bring magic back to Albion. It was his destiny. But I failed in mine, and now he isn’t here to finish his.”

“He’s gone Merlin, we can’t change that,” said Leon, feeling the weight of a thousand ages on his shoulders. He didn’t want to say it out loud, didn’t want to acknowledge it but he knew that he must. Camelot still stood and the queen still needed him. It was time they moved on. “We can only carry on in his name and continue what he began.”

Merlin shook his head slowly. “I can’t go back to Camelot Leon,” he said. “Not now. Maybe one day, but I can’t bear to do it now. There are too many things there. Too much of him. Too many things I would rather forget.”

Leon remained silent. He had already lost so many friends in the battle, and now Merlin was doing all he could to be one of them. Leon’s grief was threatening to overwhelm him but he knew that he couldn’t allow it. He needed to be strong, for Camelot, for his king who had fallen and the queen who sat on the throne, he needed to be strong. It was the only way he knew how to help, to do his duty as a knight of Camelot… and as a friend.

“Will I ever see you again?” he finally asked after a long time. Leon finally dared to look into Merlin’s eyes and saw that the cobalt blue was full of pain and grief and loss, so deep that it was almost painful to look at. He didn’t look away, he felt as if he owed it to Merlin to do this for some reason, to witness his pain, and to say without words that in a way, he did understand.

“I don’t know,” said Merlin slowly. “Perhaps one day I will have the strength to return to Camelot.”

“Perhaps.”

It was a lie and both of them knew it. Merlin would never be able to step back into Camelot and Leon didn’t blame him. He didn’t think he could walk the castle steps ever again without catching the glint of golden hair out of the corner of his eye.

They sat side by side for a long time. The sun was already beginning to set when Leon finally stood up. He took one last look at the lake. It really was beautiful here, and peaceful, very peaceful. It seemed like a place where one could fall asleep and wake up millenia later, and a part of him longed for that luxury. Merlin just sat by it’s side, still curled in on himself. He turned his head slightly to watch Leon go.

“Tell Gaius and Gwen I’m sorry,” he said, and if possible his voice cracked even more. “I just can’t…”

“I will,” said Leon nodding. He clasped his friend’s shoulder, momentarily squeezing. “ I suppose this is farewell then old friend,” he said. Merlin smiled slightly, the light not quite reaching his eyes.

“I suppose it is.”

Leon nodded one last time and turned and walked away. Merlin remained at the lake’s side, watching the still waters.

Another friend lost to the war that had existed Leon’s entire life. Now it was over and they were heading someplace new, and perhaps, even something better.

He walked towards Camelot, uncertain of how he would tell Gwen of Merlin’s decision. She would be disappointed, saddened, no she would be devastated; they had already lost so much. Leon trudged onwards. Towards Camelot and towards the sun’s golden light. Merlin sat by the lake, in the slowly fading light, gaze distant, and full of pain and sadness, waiting for something that he knew would not come.

Somehow Leon knew that this was where they both belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](http://jimprongsiepotter.tumblr.com/)! Come say hi :)


End file.
